"Even when you threw my heart, I stayed wit' you, I did. I gave you all of me. I thought that we could be but you made a fool outta me." -Brandy
The older I become the more I'm learning about myself. For the longest I thought that I was a pretty self assured, secure person. I've always imagined and carried myself as a strong woman who didn't take any shit. But for the past 4 yrs of my life I have been spoon feeding myself bowls of shit for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
I thought that by turning myself into the type of girlfriend that would hold my man down through thick and thin, be his support system, tolerate his insecurities/mood swings, fuck him in ever position imaginable and cater to his every need that would make me wifey material and he would see just how blessed he was to have me.
But when you're dealing wit' a person who doesn't value them self, god, humanity or the feelings of others you will never win! Which is why I'm sitting here writing this. You can not change a person. A person can only change themselves. You can give all of you into your blue in the face with the hope that your love will make them see the light but they never will.
And in the process of you giving your all and getting nothing in return your self-worth begins to deteriorate with each second that passes. The respect that you once demanded for yourself vanishes and you're left wondering why you're left picking up the broken pieces of your life.
This is the point I'm at. When you look at me you see a woman who looks to have it all. Yes, I am successful, smart, gorgeous as hell, talented and a great mother but I too have issues that I am dealing with on a day to day basis. What I have determined is that I am ready to become a better me who values my own word and realizes the strength that I have deep within.
I am becoming aware with each day that passes that I deserve to be loved whole heartily. I deserve to get back everything that I put out into the earth and into others.